I’ve been planning this post in my head for weeks. Trying to find the perfect way to announce
a pretty big the biggest development in my life.
How do you tell everyone you’re quitting your job to actually write full-time?
By ripping off Vance Joy lyrics, of course.
It was admittedly fairly flimsy logic. I just like the song, and I thought I could make something out of the line, ‘this
guy girl decides to quit his her job and heads to New York City.’ But I’m not really heading to New York City, and I really don’t know if I’ve been living on the highest shelf. So when I tried to make a whole piece out of that I got a lump in my throat because I knew I was getting the words wrong.
So I gave that one up. (Maybe I’ll rip off Vance in another post sometime.)
Instead I figured I’d stop trying to make flippant out of important, and just write something a little more, real.
I’d start by explaining how I haven’t just done this on a whim. I’ve actually thought of little else for the past
few months 3 years. And every day that has included me saying to myself; ‘right then Claire, you’re not doing this to be lazy. Or to get out of the morning commute, or because you want to spend the days wearing slippers and forgoing lipstick. You’re doing it because this is what you’re meant to be doing.’
Then I was going to ramp it up and get all self-empowering.
I’d say, ‘yeah it’s a little terrifying, but I’m not really all that worried because I’m not scared of a little risk. A life without risk is like a life without cake – really flipping boring. Not that this decision really counts as risky. I’m betting on myself here, and that’s the safest bet I’ll ever make. Because I don’t fail. Ever.’
It would have been cool. Maybe a little arrogant, but I would have made sure you didn’t hate me by ending with a
really the most honest declaration I can give:
The real reason I’m doing it is actually pretty simple. I feel it in my heart. ❤
(That part would have been beautiful. You’d have been crying.)
But then something happened. And it made me realise I didn’t need to write that self-empowering, borderline arrogant, supremely heartfelt post. In fact, writing something like that would actually make me a really big jerk.
Because I planned that post at a time when I feared there was going to be a lot of negativity. And that post was ultimately going to be nothing but a big fat justification to the haters. But, to my surprise, nobody was asking me to justify. And there wasn’t any haters. (At least not to my face. Which, at this point, I’m fairly happy with.)
So all those defensive things I thought I needed to say? I didn’t really need to say them. I didn’t even need to keep them in my head.
Because people have been amazing.
My family have always been amazing. There was never any question of that. The day before I officially gave notice to resign – when I seriously thought I was going to bottle it – they each said, in their own way, that I’ve got to chase those dreams.
The other people – who know me in varying levels – all said they knew I could do it. They said they were excited for me. They said I was brave (although I’m honestly not.) They said they were proud. I believe they were genuine.
It’s restored a lot of lost faith in people. I sincerely believed that people would be horrible. I was genuinely terrified for it. I had planned 1000 responses to potential arguments. Just in case.
It’s wonderful to know that I’ll never have to use them.
It’s even more wonderful to think about how many people have genuinely understood what this means to me. I always said it was impossible for anyone to really grasp what it meant. I was wrong. Some people do.
They know the real reason I’m doing it is actually pretty simple. I feel it in my heart. ❤