I Let Myself Down. 

I have an impressively short list of regrets. It mainly consists of my eyebrows circa 2015, and ever agreeing to watch Star Wars Episodes 1 – 6.

But, as of this weekend, I have another one to add to the list. No, I didn’t watch Episode 7 (if I ever do that I’ll just delete the entire blog, okay?) what I did was much worse. In fact it was so bad – and I mean that in all seriousness – that I’ve had to push pause on all the things I should be doing, in order to write this deeply cathartic, explanatory post.

So what did I do that was so bad?

I’m sure, by some people’s standards, quite a lot of things.

For a start I was the girl who put on a full face of makeup to go running. (Who does that?!) I’ve never done it before, but this run was different. Different because it was through a running club. It was the very first time they were meeting, actually.

Now, before you start to think I’m a running club person, allow me to set the record straight…I’m not a running club person!

Because running club people are the type of people who think in km splits, spend their Saturday afternoons on a ‘big run’, and say douchey things like, ‘running just relaxes me.’ Me? Well, I’m the person who runs three steps and starts gasping about how much I hate cardio.

But I had to be part of that running club.


Because I know someone who genuinely wanted to be there for that first meeting (he’s a running club person) but he couldn’t go. He wasn’t in the Country at the time. So – in order to piss him off – a group of us decided to go.

But achieving that level of pettiness isn’t the thing I’m regretful for.

Nor is it that I spent the entire of the run asking if the rain had made my eyebrows start to stream down my cheeks. (It hadn’t.)

No, I’m regretful for something much worse…

When one of the running club people asked where I worked, I lied.

What I should have was something like… ‘I’m currently writing something so freaking exciting, you’ll basically have to go for another run to relax yourself after I tell you about it!‘ But instead I just gave them all the details of my old job. I did it automatically.

I instantly regretted it. 

Sure, it was easier than talking about something so personal to me. Sure there was much less risk of judgement. Sure it spared me from having to explain my entire plan to strangers (especially running club strangers) but still…

I regretted it. 

This is who I am. I shouldn’t pretend otherwise.

Especially when those running club people were pretty damn nice. They would have got it.

So I’m afraid the only real idiot there was me.

The good news is I won’t be making that mistake again. I’ve already got the speech prepared for when I next get asked the question.

The other good news is – besides that horrendous blip – it was actually pretty fun. And now I can proudly say that I am an official founding member of the Mikkeller Running Club Birmingham. Only eight people in the world can say that. I’m thrilled to be one of them.

When they make the statue of us I hope they remember that I’m 5ft 10, my eyebrows were NOT running down my face, and – no matter what I said that day – I am a writer. ❤️